I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
