I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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