Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You were trust falling into bushes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
