I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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