i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
