I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
