is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
