i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
