Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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