i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
