I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize