He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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