I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize