you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
