Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
