Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
