Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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