Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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