my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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