Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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