At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
