hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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