I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
