I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
