dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
