that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Randomize
