If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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