I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
