Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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