meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
