Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
