i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
