i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
