I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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