Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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