...so i touched it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
