i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
