i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
