...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
