no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
