I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
