i don't like sucking hair
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
