How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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