We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
