My underwear smells like fireworks.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
