So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
