Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
