I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
