margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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