i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize