I'm passing your future prison.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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