YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
