Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
