I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Never underestimate the power of titties
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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