Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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