he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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