And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
