He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
my poor anus
Randomize
