Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
