Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
