I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize