His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
