I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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