If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
